Break These Chains, Liberate Me (from the oblivion that consumes me)
by Crimson Heda
Summary: Lexa's duty is to her people. It was never a choice for her; the decision was made when she was born a Nightblood. But she's always wanted more. More for her people, more for Clarke, more for herself. More than what she was simply born to do. But mostly she believed maybe life is about more than just surviving, even for the Commander. Rated M for violence/torture/profanity/smut
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** Some of you who read this might recognize it, and that's because I posted this story before under a different name and slightly different events. I changed it up, mostly because I lost a lot of motivation for it and it wasn't turning into what I wanted it to be. Let me know what you think!

* * *

Warmth pressed flush against her back. She had been up for a while now, enjoying the feeling and closeness. The sun just peeked its way through the windows and spilled itself across the room. She frowned slightly. The coming of Dawn signaled the start of the day, and today was the day _she_ had to leave.

Soft lips press against her bare back and the arm around her pulled her closer, eliciting a soft hum from her. Clarke was the first to break the silence as she held Lexa impossibly closer, "How long have you been awake?"

Lexa's hand idly stroked the arm around her, "Some time now," she paused, bringing Clarke's hand up to her lips to lay a gentle kiss, "I'm trying to memorize this feeling before you leave."

Clarke smiled at the softness of the person in her arms. She nuzzled her chin into Lexa's neck, kissing her hairline and neck before settling with her mouth next to Lexa's ear. "Did you want to try to memorize another feeling before I leave too?" Lexa couldn't help but smile, she could even hear Clarke smirking behind her.

"I think we did that well enough last night," She sighed, "Besides, we don't have much time left, can we just lay here, for a little while longer?" No other words were spoken, Clarke placed one last kiss on Lexa's back before laying back down behind her.

They laid there awake for what felt like hours. It wasn't often Clarke had to leave to go back to Arkadia, but when she did there was no telling how long she would be gone. Two days turned into two weeks, two weeks turned into two months. Lexa never once questioned Clarke's reasons for leaving. She had come to love being in the sky girl's presence and her absence left a hole whenever she left.

Lexa never thought herself worthy of receiving this from anyone, never mind Clarke. Worthy of someone that makes her feel like in moments like these, she wasn't the Commander, she was just Lexa. Someone who was worthy of being loved and loving back.

She convinced herself that maybe if they stay laying there, barely moving, barely breathing, time itself will stop for them. That's what Lexa hoped.

But time was never kind to the Commander.

Her eyes faded to the darkness.

* * *

The smell of her own blood was nauseating by itself. It was thick in the air and permeated through her nose. She could _feel_ the thickness of it with every breath; every rise of her lungs felt heavier than the last and she was growing _tired_ of breathing. She could taste it without ever opening her mouth; every swallow feels like she's choking and suffocating on it even though all that's going down her throat is her own saliva. Her lips are dry, cracked, and swollen. Her stomach is heavy, sick and sinking as if itself is filled with blood and all she can do is t _aste_ it. Her head is swimming and she's light headed; she knows that this much overload of her senses and this much _blood_ means that she's getting close. Her eyes are heavy lidded, impossibly heavy as her neck refuses to lift her head anymore and she's slumped in a naked heap of her own body. Even through her closed eyes she can see the sun is bright, _too bright._ It stings through her eyelids and seems to slam itself through her eyes and into her brain. _Everything hurts._

Her left hand is tied to a stake in the ground, not that it mattered because even without it she was completely immobilized from the pain. Her right hand gripped a tattered piece of shirt, which was all that was left after what she had been through, and she held it to a wound on her lower left quadrant of her torso. It was bleeding miserably, and she no longer had the strength to hold the cloth on with enough pressure to slow it. Aside from the stab wound she was covered in gashes and bruises. Her left shoulder was dislocated, as was her left knee, _she won't try and get away again._ A couple of her ribs were fractured, as well as her right cheek bone. She was a mess of a human, and barely a recognizable one at that. She was d _ying._

"Where is she? I grow tired of these games. There is no point in keeping her alive any further, the Ambassadors have since backed Azgeda in the three months the Commander has been gone." A few murmurs are passed from what sounds like several people, but the only voice she can hear clearly is that one piercing female. "It's time to take the flame. Bring me Ontari."

She only manages a small groan before she is picked up by her hair. She doesn't even fight it, she can't possible fight it anymore. One last time she manages to open her eyes.

Her right eye is blurry but makes out the person in front of her like she has seen her a million times. Her left eye is open but is covered by midnight black streams of blood, the gash over her eye forgotten until now. Piercing cold eyes bore into her soul, as the woman in front of her smirked, the scars on her face becoming more prominent as the muscles in her face tensed.

"N…Nia…" She manages to groan out, but it sounded nothing like she wanted to. She wanted to spit in her face and intimidate the woman, but instead it came out like the squeak of a dying rat.

"Remember, your weakness is what lead you here, Lexa. We only wanted Wanheda, which you so foolishly denied us." The Queen scoffed and brought a knife up to her throat. "Did I ever tell you this is exactly what we did to that girl who was stupid enough to think you would save her?" Her eyes grew wild at the mention of Costia but her body betrayed her. Her mind began to flash, _Costia suffered through all of this? Because of me?_ "I've heard Wanheda has tried to gather forces against me. Now, she will learn what happens to those who oppose Azgeda."

 _Clarke._ She tried to save her from all of this. From the pain she would soon feel. _I'm sorry, Clarke._ "I'm going to give you one last chance, Lexa." Ontari stepped up to the Queen's side, a fire raging in her eyes. "Tell me how to take the flame and I will make this quick, and perhaps I will consider mercy on your precious Wanheda."

Lexa closed her eyes, feeling a fit of coughing coming on. She groaned as her lungs violently seized, causing her to cough up drops of night and shake against the knife being held to her throat, slicing lightly into skin. She flashed her eyes back open once the fit was over, "I laik fleim." _I am the Flame._ Lexa's voice laced itself with venom, the remaining strength she had mustering itself into what she believed to be her last words. She took a deep breath, seemingly finding it harder to breath as time passes, "The flame will never belong to you, Nia. It will never choose her as Commander. And Polis will _never_ accept _her_ as the Commander. You think you have beaten me, but Wanheda-" Ontari's fist met Lexa's stomach, silencing her mid-sentence. The Queen let go of her hair and Lexa dropped to the ground.

"Enough of this. Pick her up and hold her. I will cut it out myself then." Ontari and another man picked up Lexa from either side, her head falling in front of her, her neck unable to hold it up any longer. _Fight._ Her mind screamed. The Commanders screamed. But her body would not move. The Queen approached from behind, holding a sharp blade in her hand and handing Ontari Lexa's knife. "If she tries anything, slice her throat."

Lexa closed her eyes as she felt the cool blade touch her throat, a familiar feeling she had come accustomed to in the three months she has been in Azgeda. But this time it was her own knife given to her by Anya. Her heart pounded in her chest, so hard she could feel it pulsing in her ears. It was deafeningly loud and she strained to breathe faster to keep up with her throbbing heart, but her lungs refused to let more air in as they also struggled against the pressure of her fractured ribs. The Queen began to slice through the layers of skin on the back of her neck, and she could distinctly feel each layer of skin separating. A scream attempted to escape from her mouth, but all that came out was a scratchy muffle as her mouth was instantly stuffed with the shirt she was holding on to, as well as a slow drag of the knife almost an inch across her neck. The Queen stopped cutting, and instead gazed upon what she was looking at.

Queen Nia came back around in front of Lexa, grabbing the other knife from Ontari. "Either you tell me how to get it out or I will rip it out of you."

Lexa hung there, panting, tears spilling from her eyes mixed with the nightblood dripping down her face. "I'll never tell you," She coughed once more, "And if you pull it out you will destroy it."

The Queen didn't hesitate, didn't falter in front of Lexa. It was never her plan to take it out of Lexa alive. She knew Lexa would never help her. This was all a game for her. How far could she push Lexa, was what she wanted to see. And now, she was done playing the game. "Then you're of no use to us, now are you?"

She grabbed Lexa by the hair and yanked her head back up. She placed Lexa's own dagger where Ontari had made a cut earlier. Painstakingly slow, the Queen continued to drag the blade in an arc along Lexa's neck, until suddenly the Queen stopped and Lexa was dropped from Ontari's and the other guard's grasp. The Queen collapsed in front of her.

Lexa's right cheek slammed into the ground and her lungs seized from the onslaught and she groaned. She rolled onto her back, her eyes fluttering back open as she watched what looked like fireflies in the sky. _No,_ she thought, _it's… too early in the day._ She blinked her eyes a couple more times, her right eye becoming clearer but her left eye seemingly still drowning in black crimson. Those weren't fireworks. _It's getting hotter…_ She blinked a few more times. _They're arrows._

She struggled to sit herself up. To turn her head and look around at what could possibly be happening. But she couldn't move. She thinks she hears screaming but as each second passes her hearing gets more muffled. Instead she tries to focus on what is near her. She's able just to drop her head to the left so that she's laying on her cheek. As she does she sees a blue cape fluttering in front of the Queen, and a glint of a sword as it is drawn out from its sheath. A cracked voice says out, "Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op." As the sword is thrust down into the Queen. But dark circles are enveloping her vision and her blood is drowning her and death is welcoming her. The last thing she sees is the blue cape blowing in the wind and she tries to reach for it. The last thing she feels is her weight suddenly shift and leave the ground. The last thing she hears is enough to shatter her heart to pieces.

"I'm here, Lexa…"

* * *

Ai laik fleim: I am the Flame

Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op: Attack her and you attack me


	2. Chapter 2

_Three Months Ago…_

"Clarke."

Clarke finished putting the last of the rations she needed to travel into her horse's pouches and turned her head to look at the woman staring at her. "They're my people, Lexa." She paused. By now, Clarke could see past Lexa's stoic features and instead saw the pleading in her eyes. "If what Octavia said is true then Pike is going to ruin everything we've fought for. You have to let me do this."

Lexa moved to place her hand on Clarke's arm, "You know that is not what I am worried about, Clarke." Blue eyes met Green, and Lexa refused to drop her gaze. "If the reports are true-"

"Lexa, there are reports like these all the time. She's just trying to scare you."

Lexa's jaw instinctively twitched at the mention of her, " _Nia_ isn't trying to scare me, Clarke. It's different this time." Lexa brought herself closer to Clarke, this time her voice hushed, "The scouts have seen numerous groups of Azgeda warriors around Polis, they're planning something Clarke, and I can't promise to you that I know enough to protect you."

"I don't need protecting, Lexa. I overheard the scouts, they haven't seen Azgeda anywhere near Arkadia. I'll make it there fine. Besides, everyone knows what you would do if something happened to me."

Lexa paused a moment, green eyes swirling in silent rage, nostrils flaring slightly. "The last time I thought Queen Nia respected my Coalition, I lost everything." Clarke heard Lexa's voice falter as she mentioned Costia. "Let me send someone with you." Clarke shook her head. "Then let me come with you." Lexa's voice was softer as she pleaded with Clarke.

"Le-" Clarke paused and looked around. They were at the gates of Polis, and Clarke quickly adjusted herself before calling the Commander by her name again in front of others. "Heda, your people are here. You stopped the war, now let me prevent this one."

The Commander stopped attempting to persuade her, she knew Clarke wouldn't budge if she already had her mind set. Lexa had lost this battle.

"I'll be back, Heda. This is where I'm needed." _This is where I want to be._

Lexa nodded once, slowly, recalling the promises spilled through broken whispers from Clarke's lips, so close, too close, not close enough to Lexa's the night before, spilled until Lexa grew tired from the lack of touch and silenced Clarke with her own lips. She understood Clarke's reason for leaving and going by herself, but inside she knew that when people left they did not always come back.

"I left something for you in Terra's pouch." Lexa moved to the pouch on the opposite side of where Clarke was storing her rations to retrieve the gift she left her. "Something fitting for your title and place in Polis, and by my side." She pulled out at first what appeared to just be a sapphire blanket, but as she unraveled it in her arms Clarke realized what Lexa was giving her. Attached to the cloth, were two shoulder pauldrons, one for each shoulder, but unlike Lexa's they were smaller, but were designed to look as though the metal were feathers on her shoulders. They were jet black, and clipped in an elaborate clasp in the front that looked similar to the Commander's mark. The sapphire cape hung from the back of the pauldrons, instead of tapering as Lexa's did to one side the cape draped from its attached place on both sides to a point that would reach the middle of Clarke's back. Without saying another word Lexa placed the shoulder pauldrons on Clarke and clipped it in place. Lexa locked eyes with Clarke, patted the horse's strong neck, and softly said, "Be safe. May we meet again."

Clarke's heart sang and let the sapphire envelope her. "Sha, Heda." _Yes, Commander._

Lexa smiled, "You are getting better at learning our language, Clarke of the Sky People. Gouthru klir hashta yu soujon." _Safe passage on your travels._

Clarke smiled in return, warmed that Lexa remembered the Traveler's Blessing. She mounted her horse and nodded to the Commander, "Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim, Heda." _May we meet again, Commander._ They locked eyes once more and Lexa gave Clarke one more small smile. Clarke turned her horse towards the gates and trotted off.

Lexa felt her heart rise in her throat, threatening to suffocate her and tear her asunder as she watched Clarke disappear through the thicket. She settled her left hand on the hilt of her sword, squeezing slightly to halt the tremors in her hand. _Azgeda will come for her._

Clarke rode for hours without stopping. Even though she gave the warnings of Azgeda warriors no weight, it would be unwise for her to not cover significant ground before stopping, or at least, that is what Lexa would have told her. Clarke's mind raced to her time in Polis and everything she has learned. Everything she experienced.

* * *

"Lexa?" Clarke walked into Lexa's room without knocking, something she always did. Lexa may be the Commander, but Clarke has always commanded a certain presence by herself. "Lexa? You called for me?" Clarke looked around her room for a few more seconds, admiring the dozens of candles perfectly lighting the room for a few seconds before Lexa revealed herself. Clad in her armor with that cape, that cape… red was Lexa's color, it represented everything she was. Passionate, Strong, Determined, Powerful, among other things. It was a wild color like the fire that burned in her eyes, dreaming of a life that could have been when they locked with Clarke's.

"Clarke, I have something for you." Lexa held up clothing that was like that of which she wore leading up to Mount Weather, but this time with more straps and it appeared to be of a tighter fit with blue accents. "I had this made for you. It's more fitting, so it won't get in the way."

Clarke scoffed slightly, "Get in the way of what, exactly?"

The corners of Lexa's lips quirked up slightly, but only briefly, "We're going hunting."

"And here I was thinking hunting was beneath the Commander."

Lexa's smile only reappeared, "And here I was to think you learned something from Polis."

* * *

The sun was setting and Arkadia was at least half a day's travel away. Clarke made the decision to find a clearing in the woods and make camp to allow for herself and Terra to get some rest. It didn't take long for her to find a big enough clearing for herself, Terra, and a fire. There was still light in the sky but it was going to be dark soon, and she'd prefer starting the fire when she could see rather than when she couldn't.

It didn't take her long to start a fire. She brought flint with her, and there was enough dry grass around to turn into a small pile. Once it was lit, it took quickly to the wood she had stacked on top. She took the furs she "borrowed" from Lexa and laid them down on the ground a few feet away from the fire and then situated herself on them. Terra took to her spot as well, falling asleep shortly after laying down. Clarke wrapped herself in the extra fabric of the furs, and allowed herself to reminisce a bit more before falling asleep.

* * *

When Lexa was done applying her own war paint she looked to Clarke. "Come here. Your turn." Clarke's heart tripped on its own beats, her mind registering what was going to take place. Her body moved on its own volition, scooting close to Lexa, their faces inches apart. Clarke didn't dare speak a word. Lexa laid her left palm under Clarke's chin as she held her steady and applied the war paint with her right hand delicately, every so often glancing into Clarke's eyes to make sure she's okay with what she was doing. First, Lexa applied the same pattern that Clarke wore the night Arkadia became the thirteenth clan. But after she looked back at her work she made the decision that it wasn't enough. This wasn't fit for Wanheda.

Clarke closed her eyes and allowed herself to fall into the moment. She was lulled by the brush strokes on her face, as well as Lexa's breath gently touching her face. Her own face twitched slightly, the thought of Lexa's lips on her mind. She smiled at the thought, and opened her eyes to look at Lexa again.

Lexa's eyes beamed through her war paint. When Clarke opened her eyes Lexa's hand stilled and she held Clarke's gaze for a moment. Piercing green eyes meeting Clarke's ocean blue. The ground meeting the sky. Clarke's smile did not go unnoticed by Lexa, who reciprocated by offering her own smile before starting on Clarke's face once more. She began to freehand it more. Every stroke premeditated and precise, like every decision or move that Lexa made. Quite like the way she fought as well. Her hand danced along Clarke's face and Clarke tried her best not to twitch too bad when Lexa grazed a ticklish spot on her cheek.

After waiting patiently for ten minutes Lexa put the brush down, much to Clarke's disappointment. She wouldn't mind if Lexa continued that all day. "Done." Lexa muttered. Clarke saw something momentarily flash in Lexa's face, but it was gone as fast as it appeared. Was that fear?

Clarke glided her hand over to Lexa's and gave a small squeeze. "I'm sure it looks great." Clarke said, picking up immediately at Lexa's apprehension. Lexa gestured Clarke over to the mirror where she could look at herself.

Clarke saw herself and gasped. Lexa had outlined Clarke's bone structure perfectly, and the war paint on her face resembled that of a skull. "Wanheda" Clarke whispered to herself.

Lexa rubbed her hands together unconsciously. "I know the nickname bothers you. But it is who you are now, Clarke. It is part of you like Heda is part of me. When others see you they will know who you are. They will not dare go against you."

When Lexa looked up Clarke was in front of her, standing with her hand extended. "I love it. I look pretty bad ass." Clarke said with a small smile. But there was something in Clarke's eyes that Lexa picked up on. Her blue eyes seemed to steel themselves against the conflict behind them. Lexa felt herself being drawn into the void that Wanheda created.

The Commander paused, and stared deeper into Clarke's eyes. "Maybe…" Clarke fidgeted slightly under the green eyes bearing into hers. "I have changed my mind."

Clarke raised an eyebrow, surprised at the sudden change in direction. Lexa's fingers wrapped around Clarke's wrist, pulling her back down to sit.

"You are not Wanheda, Clarke. I was wrong to say that." Lexa lifted a cloth to Clarke's face and began wiping away the black. "You do not bring death and destruction to everything." Clarke's breath hitched in her throat, Lexa's words having an incredibly strong effect on her.

"You are…" Lexa continued wiping away the skull on Clarke's face while she searched for the most appropriate words. "Strong in ways that your people do not understand. You feel everything that you have done more than they will ever know. You lead when it is not your responsibility to do so but because it is what is _right._ I meant it when I said you were born for this Clarke. Not to bring war, or to cause death. But to create peace, and to give life." Lexa's thumb wiped a tear that had fallen from Clarke's face before Clarke had realized she was crying. "You persevere in the face of darkness and win because you are _light_ Clarke." Lexa took a deep breath, dipping a different cloth into a bowl of water to finish taking the rest of the makeup off of Clarke.

Clarke's heart raced inside of its cage. This _girl_ that kissed her and left her to die, this _girl_ that had betrayed her still somehow made her feel so _small_ and _vulnerable_ and so willing and open at the same time. This one person who Clarke thought had caused so much irreparable damage was the only person who had been able to heal her. And Clarke wanted her to heal her. _Oh, she wanted her, too._

Lexa picked the brush back up and began applying the war paint once again. This time starting at the tip of Clarke's nose and flaring it out. She covered Clarke's eyes in black, brushing it out lightly to create a feather effect. Her free hand went back to its place under Clarke's chin, gently stroking the skin there. Clarke was lulled half to sleep, which wasn't helped by the fact Lexa hummed as she applied the black this time. The warmth of her voice coated her and felt like honey flowing through her brain. She let the waves of sound resonate in her body as she pictured them floating in a spring, reveling in innocence. She was pulled from her thoughts when Lexa cleared her throat, "Done."

Clarke opened her eyes, and this time there was no apprehension on the Commander's face. Just a smile, probably the biggest one she's ever seen from her. It was one of the most beautiful sights she's seen, and her brain hurt just from trying to store this exact moment somewhere safe forever. The way her hair was braided and rested on her shoulders, the perfectly imperfect strokes of war paint on her face to the shining green eyes and that _smile._ _Who else got to see her like this?_

"Hod op," _Wait._ The smile now faltered in what seemed to be a fear that someone would walk in and see that _yes, the Commander can be happy too._ "Can I fix your hair?"

Clarke ran her fingers through her own hair, soft after just showering. "What's wrong with it?"

Lexa blinked her eyes thoughtfully, "Nothing is wrong, Clarke. I just-"

A hand came up to brush a piece of hair away from Lexa's face, cutting the Commander off midsentence. "Sha, Heda." _Yes, Commander._

Clarke moved to kneel on the floor in between Lexa's legs facing away from her. She thought she heard Lexa's voice catch behind her, but she couldn't convince herself she made the noise.

Lexa's voice did catch in her throat as she looked down at Clarke settled between her legs. She quickly reprimanded herself for thinking about other scenarios with Clarke between…

She cleared her throat and busied her hands in an attempt to busy her mind with other thoughts. She returned to humming the same tune as earlier.

It soothed Clarke in a way she couldn't describe. It was similar to the rocking of a baby, or being wrapped up in the arms of a loved one. But it was different. It made its way to the darkest depths of her mind and silenced her demons with swords made of silk and shields made of fire to alight her from within. Combined with her hands scraping her scalp softly and the slight pulling of her hair, Clarke felt herself being swallowed whole.

"I've never seen you this indecisive before…" Clarke murmured softly, still enamored by what was happening.

But Lexa said nothing back. She continued to hum until she was done braiding Clarke's hair.

She was in front of Clarke before Clarke realized she had moved, admiring her own work. A deep sigh escaped from her throat, carrying one word along, " _Nightingale…"_

Clarke blushed slightly under Lexa's gaze. She felt herself being devoured, and what was it that Lexa just called her? "Lexa…?"

The Commander stood up and brushed something off her coat, "Let's go, we have a hunt to get to." With that, Lexa grabbed her hand and led them out of the tower.

"This is for you, Clarke." Lexa pulled at the reigns of an all-white horse. The purest thing Clarke has seen, but her mind flashes briefly to the horse she saw on fire at TonDC. "She's one of the fastest horses here in Polis, and she's been through much, like you." Lexa's voice trailed off as Clarke walked around the side of the horse. There she saw burn scars, and Clarke immediately looked at Lexa for validation that this was indeed that same horse. "Everyone has scars, Clarke. Not all of them on the outside." Lexa walked around the horse next to Clarke, her hand trailing on the horse. "Terra needs someone who understands her. I think you two are perfect for each other." Again their eyes meet, and Clarke tries to hold back tears.

"Lexa… she's perfect." Clarke says, unable to say anything else. With that, Lexa grabbed at Clarke's hips and lifted her effortlessly onto Terra. Clarke gasped slightly, not ready for the physical contact but it wasn't something that bothered her either. Clarke's smile stretched from ear to ear as she adjusted herself so she was properly mounted on Terra. It felt right. Clarke felt like she could feel Terra's heartbeat match her own, as if they were in perfect synch. Like they already understood each other. Clarke bent forward, petting Terra's long mane and whispering in her ear, "I'm here for you."

They rode silently for about a half hour, perfectly content with just being in each other's company. Clarke spent this time trying to feel how Terra moved, how she breathed. She's rode on a horse before, but never had her own like this before. It was exhilarating. Lexa snapped Clarke back into reality. "Let's stop here."

Lexa was already off of her horse before Clarke realized, and she was already beside Clarke by the time Clarke was ready to get off. She held out her hand for Clarke to grab to help her off the horse, which Clarke graciously accepted. Lexa grabbed the reins of her horse, and tied him up to a tree with enough slack for him to move around and lay down, she then did the same with Clarke's horse. "What's his name?" Clarke asked about Lexa's horse, his coat and mane as black as midnight, the complete opposite of Clarke's.

Lexa sighed before smiling slightly, "You can't laugh."

Clarke raised an eyebrow, "Why would I laugh about a horse's name?"

Lexa continued to pet the horse's neck. The color reminded Clarke of Lexa's nightblood, "Sky people have proven to be critical at times."

"I won't be." Clarke reached her hand out next to Lexa's to place on the horse's neck.

"Apollo." Lexa paused, but Clarke could tell she wanted to say more so Clarke gave way to the silence for a moment in case Lexa decided to go on, which she did. "My mother had a book she would read me when I was a child about Apollo. When he was just a boy he took down a vicious viper with a bow and arrow in order to stop it from killing innocent people. He was born to do it. And then everyday it was his job to-"

"Move the sun across the sky…" Clarke finished Lexa's sentence and the Commander turned her head to face Clarke. "How did that story survive on the Ground?"

Lexa pursed her lips, thinking hard, "My mother repeated it to me each night. I think it was the only story she knew. I remember her telling me she learned it from her mother, and her mother before that." She sighed softly, reflecting back to her mother. This was the first she had spoken of her to Clarke. "She knew I was a nightblood from the moment I was born. But she hid it from me, from everyone. She thought she was protecting me. Saving me, I suppose. Allowed me to train with Anya until even she couldn't hide it from the Fleimkepas. But it's like what I told you before, Clarke. We can't run from who we are." Lexa slid her hand down Apollo's neck and turned to walk in the other direction.

Clarke smiled, thinking how fitting to name her horse Apollo. _Apollo the Greek God moved the sun across the sky, and now Apollo the horse, moves Lexa across the Ground. Bringing her own light everywhere she goes._

"Wait, Lexa?"

Lexa continued walking away from Clarke, "Hmm?"

"What was your mother's name?"

Lexa stopped for a moment, head lifting up, eyes searching the sky for someone she hoped was there, "Freya."

Before Clarke had time to ask any further questions Lexa took her shoulder guard and placed it on top of Apollo along with her long coat. She smiled slightly before turning to face Clarke with two bows and two quills of arrows in her hand. "No Skaikru guns this time around Clarke."

Clarke smiled wide before grabbing an arrow and a quill. "Luckily for you, Octavia taught me how to shoot an arrow."

Lexa smirked slightly, "Knowing how to do something and being good at it are two very different things, Clarke." She said, emphasizing the "k" in her name as much as humanly possible.

Clarke choked slightly, unbelievably affected by the way Lexa said her name. She approached Lexa, mere inches away from her face when she uttered, "Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Lexa…" Clarke paused a second, studying Lexa's face. The woman was amazing at hiding her emotions, but Clarke had picked up on Lexa's micro expressions. She saw the slight flicker in her eyes and the way her eyebrow twitched. She stepped back for a moment, "Besides, you forget I was in the wild by myself for three months. I know how to hunt."

Lexa smiled. This was the Clarke she knew. "Then lead the way."

"Gladly."

The hunting by itself was rather uneventful. They caught several rabbits, along with a wild hog, which Clarke took out rather expertly, much to Lexa's amazement. It was nothing compared to the panther that Clarke took down, but they had both had fun being in each other's company and relaxing a bit.

"So, Heda, was that better than you expected?"

"Sha, I expected you to be worse than a child. You were slightly better." Lexa smirked slightly, carrying the hog on her back in a pack while Clarke carried the small catch. Clarke giggled softly, opting instead to let this go. However, seconds later Lexa stopped in her tracks.

* * *

Clarke snapped her eyes open as something crunched from behind her. _Who the hell just disturbed my daydreaming?_

Clarke stood up slowly and looked around, but before Clarke could register another thought, ropes were swung around her arms and legs, bringing her back down roughly. "Fuck!" She yelped, her face falling sharply against the handgun she had left by her side that she forgot to holster. She looked quickly to her horse, which she had haphazardly tied to a loose stone next to her. She quickly kicked the stone, freeing the horse. "Go!" And not even a second after the horse was gone. Seconds later a warrior with scars covering his face hovered over Clarke.

"Not so strong without your little Natrona are you?" Clarke's heart dropped at the mention of Lexa, and something feral snapped inside of her. She began to kick and flail, and even attempted to bite. Clarke received a kick to the gut which made her gag at first, and then it had her struggling to breathe. She spit out a small amount of blood, then smiled at her new captors. "Ai nou fir raun!"

Then man above her chuckled, "We'll see."

Clarke closed her eyes, imagining Lexa humming to her. _I'm so sorry Lexa, you were right._ She waited for this man to pick her up, or drag her, or do whatever it is he intended to do to her. But he didn't.

 _Drip, drip._

The two drips of warm liquid on her face startled her eyes wide open. Above her stood the man, hand covering his mouth to silence him, sword plunging completely through his chest. The hushed words behind him, "Yu gonplei ste odon," gave Clarke chills. _Your fight is over._

"Lexa!" Her name caught in her throat where she felt herself choking on it. _Choking on what almost happened._

The Commander wasted no time in untying Clarke from the ropes. Once she did, arms were wrapped tightly around her body as the blonde trembled in her arms.

"I'm so sorry Lexa, I should've listened I'm so-"

"Clarke. Lay down and stay down." Lexa said in a hushed whisper. She held a finger to her lips, reaching for the bow and arrows from the fallen Azgeda warrior next to her to give them to Clarke. She pointed to the tree line around her, then brought her finger back to her lips. _There was more._ "Show yourselves!" Lexa yelled, her voice emanating authority.

On cue, eight Azgeda warriors emerged from the surrounding woods and surrounded the pair. Lexa's face showed no emotion, no fear. She looked at Clarke, who held her own gaze on Lexa. Lexa nodded gently to Clarke. Trying to signal to her that it would be okay. "Chit yu gaf?" _What do you want?_ Lexa asked, unfazed by the eight men slowly encircling them.

One of them just pointed to Clarke, uttering one word. "Wanheda."

Lexa's stoic face turned to a stark glare, "Yu nou na dula daun, jomp em op en yu jomp ai op." _You can't, attack her and you attack me._

The leader scoffed and smirked, sizing her up and down, noting her red cape and Commander's mark on her forehead. "We can take both of you then. I'm sure Queen Nia would prefer it."

Clarke watched as Lexa's hand fell upon the hilt of her sword. Even from behind Lexa, she could feel her glare at the man.

Clarke barely had time to register anything as it happened. With expert skill, Lexa twirled on her heels and threw her dagger at the man behind Clarke, landing it in between his eyes. As the dagger was still flying through the air, Lexa nocked her own bow and shot it at one of the two men next to Clarke, and then nocked it once more before shooting the third and final man near Clarke. Lexa whirled back around, unsheathing her sword. Five men left.

An arrow flew in front of Clarke, landing in the skull of a man charging directly at Lexa. Lexa turned her head to check where the arrow came from. Clarke stood proudly with another arrow cocked and ready to fly. Another warrior attempted to ambush her, but she expected this. She ducked under the swing, spun to the right and thrust her sword into the back of the man's neck. Three Left. Lexa looked back at Clarke as she heard a whimper. One of the men had tackled her and had her pinned to the ground. It was the leader. Lexa snarled and charged towards Clarke. The leader on top of Clarke spun off of her and guarded her from Lexa. Lexa's once calm resolve turned into blood thirsty rage. Two of the remaining three men charged her at the same time. She ducked below them, grabbing both of their hands and directing their own swords at each other. They pierced each other's skin, and dropped. One left. Lexa glared at the Leader.

The Leader's face held a feral grin as he shouted, "Jus drein jus daun!" He threw Clarke down, Lexa quickly went to reach for her dagger or her sword and she quickly realized she left them where the men she killed them with were laying.

"Lexa!" Clarke shouted. Clarke silently wished she had paid more attention, wished she wasn't in this position, wished that Lexa wouldn't have to see someone she cared about die again.

Lexa charged towards them as fast as she could, the man's sword coming down to meet Clarke's neck. With no weapons, Lexa grabbed his blade through gloved hands with her left hand, her right elbow going to meet his jaw. As soon as her elbow made contact and she heard the crunch of the bone, her right hand went to the hilt of his sword and grabbed it from his hand. He fell down in pain, and without hesitation Lexa thrust his own sword into his heart.

All eight men lay on the ground. Once the Leader had fallen, Lexa fell to her knees, attempting to gather herself. "Hey, hey, hey…" Clarke whispered as she crawled over to Lexa. "You're okay…" She placed a hand on Lexa's shoulder only for Lexa to shrug her away. Clarke glanced to Lexa's hand, which was streaming with black blood down onto the ground.

"Hodnes laik kwelnes…" _Love is weakness._ Lexa shuddered. Clarke shook her head. "Ai ste kwelen." _I am weak._ Lexa mumbled.

Clarke took Lexa's injured hand and began wrapping it immediately, "You're wrong Lexa…" Clarke didn't realize until her own tears were hitting Lexa's bandage that she was crying.

Clarke took a staggered breath, Lexa's eyes swam with longing and a feeling of being lost but wanting to belong to someone. She was terrified of being the root of all pain. Clarke could see it all just looking at her. Lexa felt like she deserved nothing in this world, and she was not worth what Clarke could give to her. Clarke didn't hesitate for one more second before running her left hand through Lexa's hair and placing her other hand at the back of Lexa's neck before touching her lips to the Commander's. At first it was supple and soft, a reminder that they were both going to be all right. Lexa pulled back tears streaming down her face.

"Shh…" She whispered between their lips. "Ai gaf yu, Leksa…" _I want you, Lexa._ Clarke whispered.

"No." Lexa grasped Clarke's wrists, pulling herself together "Apollo and Terra are just beyond that tree line, go." Her voice cracked and faltered beneath the weight.

Clarke blinked hard, "What do you mean?"

"Ron we, Klark, Ron we!" _Run away Clarke, Run away!_

"No, Lexa, what, what do you mean?"

This time Lexa lifted her onto her feet and pushed her towards where the horses were. "Ron we Klark, Nau!" _Run away Clarke, Now!"_

The last push got Clarke's feet moving and didn't stop until she got past the tree line and saw the two horses. She glanced back and saw Lexa kneeling in the same place she had fallen earlier, head and shoulders sunken in. Clarke grabbed the reins on Apollo and began to walk him back to Lexa, until she saw an Azgeda warrior approaching Lexa. Where there was one, soon there was four, then ten, then thirty, and now it seems the trees themselves have turned into Azgeda warriors, surrounding Lexa.

Lexa stood and faced the warriors surrounding her, looking them in the eyes. Clarke watched on, her body feeling like it was being engulfed in flames at the realization she couldn't do anything. "I'll come for you Lexa, I promise." She turned away from Lexa, a fit of sobs rocking her body as she mounted Terra and raced back to Polis.

The soldiers around her stood like monuments, glorious in their victory. She stood before them, unwavering in her position as Commander. "Once I heard of your, 'relationship' with Wanheda, I knew it was time to remind who was really in command, yet again." The voice came from behind her, causing Lexa to snap around on her heals to glare at the mastermind.

Nia stood a few feet away from her, reveling in what she had accomplished. "It was simple then to convince Arkadia to recall their Ambassador from Polis to negotiate terms of peace so I could get her right where I wanted her. Especially since Pike and I want the same things." The Queen circled around Lexa, "He simply wanted Wanheda to stop ruining his plans, and, well, I would've put her death to fine use. You on the other hand, I did not fully expect to be _this_ idiotic. I guess you care for Wanheda more than that other-" She smiled wildly, noticing Lexa's nostrils flare and breath hitch. She signaled for her warriors to come and take Lexa. "Nou Heda noumou." _Commander no longer._

* * *

Gouthru klir hashta yu soujon: Safe passage on your travels

Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim: May we meet again

Chit yu gaf?: What do you want?

Yu nou na dula daun: You can't

Chon yu bilaik?: Who are you?

Hodnes laik kwelnes: Love is weakness

Ai ste kwelen: I am weak

Ai gaf yu: I want you

Natrona: Traitor

Ai nou fir raun: I am fearless

Ron we, Nau: Run away, Now

Nou Heda noumou: Commander no longer


	3. Chapter 3

It was _right_ there. Her hand reached up with everything it had, her index finger extended just to try and _reach._ She kicked her legs with a fury that could have started its own cyclone. There was nothing but a vast emptiness beneath her, threatening to enclose her with each passing second. The surface of the water shimmered above her from the setting sun, but allowed no light to continue into its depths. Her eyes remained fixated towards the sun, towards the light, cognizant that if her eyes wandered, she would be forever lost to the darkness. But no matter how hard she kicked, the surface was no closer. It remained within inches of her finger, taunting her with the oxygen she craved. And she was so _tired._ So _tired_ of fighting. She could as easily slip into the dark, let it wrap itself around her, let it consume her. The thought of becoming something so _fluid,_ free to fill a shape whichever it desires, captivated one of her deepest desires, _to just, be._

The darkness was thick in its viscosity, only just now registering in her mind. It stuck to her skin and tempted to blind her from the light which she sought, the oxygen which she hungered for. Black tears escaped her eyes, her body becoming overridden by the darkness. _By the Nightblood._

The very thing that defined her was to be her undoing. It perforated her pores and suffocated her with its weight. She drank and drowned on what has been spilled, on what will continue to spill. _Stop fighting. There's nothing you can do now._

 _Stop fighting… Stop fighting…_ Voices echoed in her head, beckoning from the deepest crevasse of her soul. _Stop._ They seduced the channels that sent signals to her body to _keep moving._ Every heartbeat that sent blood pulsing to her limbs began to lose purpose as the sirens sang their song of salvation, _stop fighting._ Her mind railed against the rest of her body, begging for it to just listen to her. But her body was deaf to the whimpers of her broken mind.

Her legs halted, her limbs relaxed, and her lungs inhaled the ghosts that were haunting her. Her mistakes and guilt poisoned the Nightblood like sepsis, devouring her from within. She screamed as it plunged itself into every corner of her being, building up to implosion. No sound escaped her mouth, no one to rescue her now. Phantom hands wrapped themselves around her feet and pulled her into the nothingness. The shadows of her past tore their way inside, the heaviness of regret slithered its way into her ears, mouth, nose, and eventually eyes, blinding her from the light which she sought.

 _Lexa!_

Her chest seized, collapsing into itself and stealing what little air she had left. Her heart beat slower but harder as the mounting pressure built up inside, crushing her from within. A creeping numbness started in her fingertips and was climbing its way towards her chest, but still she sought her liberation with her still extended hand.

 _Lexa I'm here, come back to me… Come back to me…_

 _I did this. I created this. I made these choices. And I will not apologize._ She pried her eyes to see past the overwhelming darkness. The numbness in her outstretched arm began receding back towards her finger tips, her mind reclaiming it as its own. _I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night._ She screamed once more, compelling the demons inside of her out.

As she screamed she felt her finger bump into what felt like a pane of glass. The darkness began leaching from her eyes immediately, her vision opening back up in blurry spots. The light above her reappeared and grew brighter, spreading below and around her until both her palms were pressed against the glass. It was cool, as opposed to the heat of the Nightblood that surrounded her.

She blinked several times, trying to clear the Nightblood from her eyes. On the other side of the glass where her hands were, hung a puddle of Nightblood in the sky in the shape of her palms. The weight of her body shifted. Before, she felt herself being sucked into a vacuum. Now she felt herself being pulled into the light.

She bent her elbows, her entire body lowering towards the surface. Her toes were the first to touch, Nightblood in the shape of how her feet imprinted on the surface floated up on the other side. Then, her entire body was against the surface of this ocean she was trapped in. On the other side, she stared at a Nightblood copy of herself, in the same position she was. Her body was hers. She wiggled her fingers, tapping them against the glass, and watched as the copy did the same. The voices were gone. _Exhale._

She let go of all she took in, absolved herself of her sins. A force pushed her against the glass, trapping her in her place. The Nightblood around her rushed upwards, through the glass barrier that had previously kept her from deliverance. It passed through her, her ocean of guilt now lay above her, opposite the glass.

The first breath she took felt as though it was given to her by God itself. She could _breathe._ Now, a light shone from behind her. She rolled onto her back, facing the sun at its peak in the sky, her demons below her. It warmed and lifted her. She closed her eyes, the sun staining the insides of her eyelids red with its light as she felt herself begin to float…

* * *

"Lexa! Lexa I'm here, come back to me…" Clarke choked on a sob, "Come back to me…" Clarke ran with Lexa in her arms as fast as her legs would take her until she couldn't run anymore. "Oh God, what have I done…" Clarke laid Lexa down behind the Coalition's line of defense on a soft patch of grass, out of range from the archers. Black blood covered and consumed Lexa's body, a seemingly endless amount, spreading onto the grass below her. Whimpers and incoherent Trigedasleng prayers streamed through broken lips. But there was one phrase she continued to repeat, "Teik ai gon trigeda…" _Take me to the forest._

"I'm here Lexa…" Clarke held Lexa in her arms and observed her, searching for the sources of bleeding. Lexa's eyes were fluttering and her breathing was shallow and strained, but it was persistent. A small pool of blood was collecting over her left eye. Clarke took the cloth that had been in Lexa's mouth and placed it over Lexa's left eye first to absorb some of the blood. She traced her finger beside the gash on the left side of Lexa's face that started a half inch above Lexa's eye and stopped about half an inch below. Her right cheek was swollen something fierce, clearly broken, and her once perfect lips were marred in bruises and splits, severely swollen. Clarke's eyes continued downwards, down to Lexa's neck where blood was seeping slowly out of a fresh cut. It narrowly missed any vital veins and arteries. It would need stitches, but it wasn't immediately life threatening. Her eyes continued to travel, Lexa's body covered in cuts as if she were subject to death by a thousand cuts but was denied the release of death. Clarke gasped, gently holding Lexa and trying not to touch any of the fresher wounds. Lexa's left arm hung off Clarke's lap in a way that didn't look human. Clarke tried her best not to touch it.

Clarke stroked the side of Lexa's face and monitored her breathing. She looked down at Lexa's stomach and saw the stab wound that was pouring blood. "Lexa." Clarke entwined their right hands together, "Lexa if you can hear me squeeze my hand." Lexa's eyes continued to flutter, and Clarke's hand received a small squeeze. Clarke smiled softly, "That's good Lexa, keep squeezing my hand, and don't stop." Lexa continued squeezing Clarke's hand, albeit very weak. "Nyko!" Clarke yelled over the roar of the battle, never taking her eyes off Lexa.

A few minutes passed while Clarke assessed Lexa's injuries, warring with herself on what to do first, _there was so much blood._ The fluttering of Lexa's eyes stopped and the squeeze of her hand was becoming nonexistent. Clarke's eyes flashed from Lexa's face to her chest. She was barely breathing. Clarke realized she was losing Lexa, and Nyko wasn't coming.

"Lexa!" Clarke screamed, softly jostling her face, "Leksa Kom Trikru!"

Lexa's eye opened, staring into the girl with the blonde hair above her. She had felt herself drowning, now she feels herself floating, the light in her face. "Clarke…" The Commander wheezed out her name, tears unabashedly falling out the corners of her eyes. Her lips began to move but Clarke couldn't hear her. She brought her ear close to Lexa's mouth. "Beja nou bants ai Klark… Beja." _Please don't leave me Clarke… Please._

Clarke kneeled on the ground cradling a fragile Lexa in her arms. "I'm not going anywhere, Heda. I'm right here." She screamed once more, this time issuing a command, "Nyko! Find me Nyko!" Arrows flew, fires raged on the village and warriors struck each other down. In the three months since Lexa's capture Clarke raised an army against Azgeda, finally putting an end to the Queen's treachery. Eleven clans came together in this one spot to fight Azgeda, for the people the ice nation has stolen, the crimes they committed, and for a beloved Commander whom was taken. But still, Ice Nation had more numbers.

Clarke gently laid Lexa back down on the ground and inwardly wished she had learned more from her mother before opting to stay in Polis, but she was confident she knew enough to save Lexa for the time being. But she knew she needed help.

She grabbed the shirt that was on Lexa's eye and placed it firmly over the deep wound in Lexa's torso before stripping a long piece of her cape off. Her reason felt like it was slowly fading as her hands shook. She wrapped the piece of her cape around Lexa's abdomen and tied it tightly over the shirt, holding it in place tight enough to hopefully slow the blood loss. It wouldn't stop the bleeding, Clarke knew this. She wasn't even sure it would slow the bleeding. She was trying to recall lessons from her mother, _torso hemorrhaging is non-compressible, I can't stop this bleeding by applying pressure. She needs surgery, clotting medication, something to cauterize the bleeding vessels. She needs more than what I can do._ She looked around frantically for Nyko, unable to do anything else for Lexa except for watch her slowly fade away.

"Lexa." Clarke attempted to say assertively, but it came out more like a whimper. She put her right hand up to Lexa's chin and gently traced circles on her cheek.

"Ai na sen yu in, Klark…" _I can hear you, Clarke._

It was barely above a whisper, but she was there. Regardless of what was going to happen, even now Lexa wouldn't let Clarke go through this alone. "Do you remember when you took me to your 'secret cavern?'" Her chest seized from her sobs as she spoke, and Lexa responded in turn with a soft nod. "You talked about it for weeks and I always pushed it off because there was always something to be done in Polis. And you woke me that morning, _so damn early,_ so damn excited." She paused, sniffling as the tears continued to fall. "There would be no bodyguards, no natblidas following you around, no flamekeepers harassing us. I hadn't seen you look that wild and free before. You did your hair into a simple braid that morning, all of your hair was out of your face... You even braided my hair that morning. We left Polis before anyone even noticed we left the tower. _Two days_ we spent there. All of Polis almost shut down because of it. It was just us… For the first time, no duties or responsibilities… No Commanders or Ambassadors. Just… us." Her chest trembled with every breath, recalling the story in her mind. _It wasn't fair._ Clarke screamed in frustration, her throat erupting with rage and vengeance for what was taken from her, from Lexa. Her throat raw, her voice rasped, she kissed Lexa's cheek, whispering, "Those were the best days of my life, Lexa. You showed me I could be whole again. That I was _more_ than what I've become. You showed me that I could _hope_ again"

Lexa's head pounded with the voices of the Commanders, of Titus's lessons, _To be Commander is to be alone. To be Commander is to be alone. To be Commander is to be alone._ She shook her head, willing the voices away."Ai don kof em op…" _I paid the price..._ Lexa whispered, eyes closed, breath unsteady and uneven. Tears still streaming from the corners of her eyes and down the sides of her face. "Heda stedaun, teik ai gon trigeda, teik ai hou…" _The Commander is dead, take me to the forest, take me home…_ The dam that separated the Commander from Lexa had broken, and the floods continued to run. Clarke watched as the girl in her arms cried silent tears and whimpered reverent pleas. But if she was talking, she was breathing. She was still with her.

But Lexa was becoming paler in comparison every minute that passed. The bandage on her torso was doing nothing to stop the bleeding. Clarke held her hand to Lexa's wrist, _there's barely a radial pulse, she's going to go into shock._ She gulped down the ball in her throat. _Weak, but there. Still with me._ She sighed shakily, Lexa was fading. "I'm here Lexa, I'm here." Her voice broke, tears fell down her face and she held the girl she loved. There was nothing else she could do for her. She had no supplies with her. She _needed_ Nyko.

 _Everything you touch dies._ "Beja…Beja…" Clarke's silent tears turned into gentle sobs as she picked Lexa up and cradled her in her arms. "Remember what you said to me the first time I told you I loved you? How did you say it… I think it was, Osir keryon ste teina." _Our souls are entwined._ "What type of romantic shit was that, Lex…" Clarke wrapped her arms tighter around Lexa and placed her head into Lexa's neck. "Beja… you were right Lexa… you were right."

"Wanheda." Nyko placed a hand on Clarke's shoulder and kneeled next to Lexa. Clarke looked up sharply, tears staining her cheeks. "Wanheda, ai na fis em op." _Wanheda, I will heal her._ He waited patiently for Clarke to release his Commander.

Clarke looked to Lexa and gently swept her hair out of her face before lying her down between her and Nyko. As soon as she laid Lexa down she locked eyes with Nyko,"Den dula yu dula en fis em op." _Then do your job and fix her._

Nyko nodded, "This wound did not go deep enough to hit anything," He told her, while pointing at the wound Clarke had attempted to control. "But it is causing too much bleeding. Take your blade, put it over the fire until it is red."

Clarke spent no time in getting up and rushing over to one of the arrows that was still on fire in the ground. She grabbed it quickly, throwing it onto a small wood pile that was next to Nyko and Lexa and held Lexa's dagger over it. She watched as Nyko went to work on Lexa with the kit he brought, first pouring some liquid down her throat. "It is to clot the blood." Clarke nodded, she recalled Lincoln having a similar medicine. She continued to watch as the nightblood pouring out of her side began to slow slightly, and then the dagger was ready. She passed it to Nyko to do, partly because she wasn't sure exactly how deep the wound was and also because she wasn't in the state of mind to do it. "You will want to hold her down for this." Clarke nodded and moved so she could slip Lexa's head onto her lap and still hold her arms down. When she was in position she nodded to Nyko. He pressed the hot blade into the wound.

Lexa's eyes shot open and she screamed. Clarke wasn't prepared for Lexa to have as much strength as she did, but as soon as Lexa went to move Clarke held her head down and looked into Lexa's eyes. Lexa couldn't register who was holding her or who was hurting her. All she could feel was the pain. It was a different pain that what she had grown used to, it was searing, setting all of her nerves in the area on fire and sending streaks of pain up her spine. They fired off as her skin melted together, cauterizing the open vessels and stopping the bleeding almost instantly. Her scream turned into a soft mewl as she shut her eyes again, tears continuing to spill out of the corner of her eyes. "Shh…" Clarke whispered into Lexa's ear.

"Beja, hod op…" _Please, stop._ Lexa voiced out, her throat raw.

"Shh, it's okay, I'm here." Clarke reached down to grab Lexa's right hand while her left hand softly traced designs on Lexa's face. Clarke looked to Nyko, who began putting in stitches on Lexa's wound. "Will she be ready to travel soon?"

Nyko nodded, never once looking up from the work he was doing. "I just have to fix her shoulder and knee and stitch her neck and eye, and stitch over what we just fixed then she can go." Without lifting his eyes from his work, he continued to talk. "I have seen nightblood fasten the healing process. I've patched Lexa up so many times when she was with Trikru I lost count. It even replenishes itself faster, but it's not blood loss I'm concerned about, Wanheda."

Clarke nodded, "Infection." She looked around her for the first time since she found Lexa. The remnants of a battle were playing themselves out in the background, the last of the Azgeda warriors having fled, or were being taken prisoner.

"Clarke, when I am done with her you should take her and leave. She is weak, and will be wanted now more than ever by the remainder of Azgeda. She should be protected." Clarke nodded, silently appreciating Nyko for understanding.

"What about the battle? The Coalition?"

Nyko finished the sutures, then moved on to put them in Lexa's face and neck. "The warriors and Generals will finish up here, and head back to their own clans. The Ambassadors will continue to control Polis and the Coalition until the return of a Commander."

Something in Clarke ticked. "You mean Lexa. Polis and the Coalition will wait for the return of _Lexa,_ not _a Commander._ "

Nyko sighed, looking into Clarke's eyes. "They will wait for the return of Lexa, or the flame." He shook his head, pausing his work momentarily. "Look at her, Clarke. I cannot guarantee she will pull out of this. You need to know. There is a Fleimkepa in Trikru lands, Gaia."

"I won't talk about this, just fix her Nyko."

"If she dies a new Commander _must_ ascend Clarke. Else you doom the Coalition and those it protects."

Clarke's gaze burned with a fury she thought only reserved to Lexa's captors. "If she dies, the state of the Coalition will be the _least_ of your worries. Titus already told me this. I have the Fleimkidon. So how about you do your job, and I'll do mine."

Nyko returned his attention to Lexa without further protest. She was fading in and out of consciousness from the sheer amount of pain she was already in, and was barely fazed when Nyko moved on to suture her neck and face. Nyko moved fast, efficient but not exactly cosmetic. They just needed to get her good enough to travel. Next, Nyko moved on to Lexa's knee. "Ready, one, two…" Nyko popped the knee back in before getting to three, causing Lexa to jump. A small whimper fell from her mouth, having lost the ability to vocalize anything anymore. Swiftly Nyko moved to Lexa's shoulder, wanting to get this done as quickly as possible so they could leave. This time, Nyko gave no warning as he reset Lexa's shoulder. A louder groan came from Lexa this time. Clarke tore another piece of her cape off and wrapped Lexa's arm similar to how she wrapped her arm when they were running from the Pauna. Clarke tore the rest of her cape off her shoulder guards and wrapped Lexa in it to cover her still naked body.

"Mochof, Naikou." _Thank you, Nyko._ Clarke picked Lexa up with the most ease. She was light, _too light_. Without hesitating any more she carried Lexa over to where her horse Terra was, seating Lexa easily towards the front as she swung her leg over behind Lexa and mounted the horse as well. Clarke wove her arm around Lexa's front, holding her secure, and pulled Lexa's head back to lean on her shoulder. Lexa was already burning up.

Nyko approached them, his hand extended with a pouch in it. "Clarke, take this. They're pain killers to get her through until you get to Polis. She is going to need them." Clarke took them graciously and stored them inside one of Terra's pouches.

"What about her fever?"

Nyko shifted uncomfortably, "I have nothing for that here. You must get her to Polis before her blood is poisoned." Clarke nodded and pulled Lexa closer to here. "Ride fast."

Clarke took off without saying another word.

* * *

Clarke rode hard from the Azgeda camp. She placed her confidence in the warriors – she knew they would finish the battle. Now she had to focus on Lexa.

Lexa was hardly conscious. She grew uncomfortable in her position leaning back against Clarke and found herself sliding, much to Clarke's dismay. Lexa groaned out in pain, everything seeming to rub every raw spot on her the wrong way. Her whimpers of pain came more frequently the further they travelled. Clarke stopped Terra in order to readjust Lexa and make her more comfortable.

Clarke lifted Lexa effortlessly and spun her around so that Lexa was facing her. She carefully brought Lexa's legs around her own waist so that not only would that stop her from sliding, but it would stop her injured knee from bouncing off of Terra. She pulled Lexa closer so their chests were flush, and pulled Lexa's right arm around her neck as Lexa's left arm hung snug against her chest. Clarke's cape pooled behind Lexa and she was shivering violently. Clarke pulled the silk fabric back over Lexa and wrapped it around both of them.

Lexa let out a long sigh as she sunk her head into Clarke's neck, careful not to lay on the right side of her face due to her broken cheek.

"Lexa…" Clarke whispered as she grabbed one of the vials Nyko gave her out of the pouch, "Drink this." She held it up to Lexa's lips, letting it drip between her lips and into her mouth. Clarke tossed the vial back in the pouch and wrapped both arms around Lexa.

Clarke pulled Lexa close with her left arm and grabbed the reigns with her right. She turned her head slightly and laid a gentle kiss on Lexa's forehead. Lexa sighed softly. Clarke spurred Terra on to continue the pace she set earlier.

* * *

Every one of Clarke's senses were alert, picking up on every detail as they rode. It was getting dark and she knew they would have to stop soon. But Clarke planned for this, heading for a place she knew they would be safe. _Sorry Lexa, we're not going to Polis just ye_ _t._

Clarke had long ago snaked her left arm inside the cape and around Lexa, placing her hand on her bare back. She was still extremely warm, but her breathing hadn't faltered like it had back at the camp. She methodically measured the rises and falls of Lexa's back, along with the strength of Lexa's breath against her neck, fully aware that at any time Lexa's condition could take a turn. Her ears listened for any sound other than Lexa's breath and the sound of Terra's hooves pounding the ground. The wind continued to whip Clarke in her face, and it was becoming colder.

But Clarke was exactly where she wanted to be, and exactly where they needed to be. Gently she untwined Lexa from herself and slipped off Terra, holding Lexa in place on her horse. Lexa groaned as she was pulled off of Terra, every fiber of her body burning into an inferno, an inferno that could never be cooled.

"Shh…" Clarke mumbled. She cradled Lexa in her arms, and walked over a metal door, pushing past a curtain that served as a door.

The dropship echoed with Clarke's footsteps. Before the war party left, she prepared the dropship for this very scenario. She walked directly to a spot where several furs were laid on a mattress she had brought here and softly put Lexa down on them, covering her with one of her best furs. It was cold in the dropship since it was becoming dark, but it was safe from the increasing winds outside. Clarke moved to turn on one of the lamps she brought, illuminating the space so she could see better. Next to the lamp were some basic first aid materials, but there was little Clarke could do with them now.

"Clarke…" Lexa's voice was hushed and throaty. Clarke's head whipped around and she was immediately at Lexa's side.

"I'm here." Clarke slid her hand into Lexa's. "What can I do?"

Lexa let out a shaky breath, "Ai ste laksen…" _I am hurt…_

Clarke traced her finger up and down Lexa's hand, "I know…What hurts Lexa?"

"Ething..." _Everything._

"Hir, drein daun." _Here, drink this._ Clarke titled the vial into Lexa's mouth, the clear liquid quickly going down. She waited patiently for a moment for Lexa to settle. "Lexa. I have to check your wounds."

Lexa nodded. Clarke reached for the kit she had brought, opening it to reveal its contents. It contained a jar of salve she had gotten from Lincoln, along with gauzes, tape, a suture kit, and a disinfectant. "After I clean all your wounds," Clarke whispered, "we can put you into some warm clothes and you can sleep. Tomorrow we can go to the stream and get you cleaned." Clarke tried to search Lexa's eyes but they weren't focusing on anything. Her left eye remained shut for the most part. There was slight swelling around the gash, making it uncomfortable to move her eyelid in general. Her right eye glanced about the walls. Lexa nodded once in response to Clarke.

Clarke kneeled closer to Lexa, pulling the furs down softly to make sure they would not get caught on any of Lexa's injuries. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. _Get your shit together, Clarke. She needs you._ She tilted her head up to stop any tears that tried to fall. _This happened because of me._

Lexa's voice snapped her back, "Ai get in chit yu ste fig raun." _I know what you're thinking._ "Hod op, Klark." _Stop, Clarke._

Clarke tossed the words around in her head, taking more time to process them than it took Lexa to say them. "I'm sorry, Lexa. I'm so, sorry."

"Beja, Klark." She took a deep breath and brought her right hand up to Clarke's face, before bringing her index finger in front of her own lips, "Beja," she pleaded. "Wigod ai op, Klark." _Forgive me, Clarke._

Clarke shook her head slightly, "Shh," She dropped her hand to Lexa's and gave a small squeeze, prompting Lexa to meet her eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry for. When they took you, I froze, I ran. I didn't know what to do for you."

"Kiken raun bilaik mou kom jos kiken thru _."_ _Lexa whispered as Clarke began to undress her wounds._

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows a bit and played the words on her tongue, "Kiken raun… bilaik mou kom… jos kiken thru?" Her hands froze on Lexa's chest, her head whipping to look at Lexa. Tears stung in her eyes as the realization hit.

Lexa sighed as Clarke's attention shifted and her hands moved again, peeling off the bandages on the deep gash of her stomach, "Life is about more than just surviving, Clarke." Lexa's voice was soft and broken as the first English words she's spoken to Clarke spilled from her mouth. Her words were her anchor to who she is, a crutch to keep her from falling further away from the role she must play for the people who died for her. Her words cut her in half, separating Ai laik _Heda_ from I am _Lexa_. She tried to hold onto it, sever the girl Lexa from the Commander, but the girl who fell from the sky was unravelling her. The English words that fell from her lips laid bare her submission to both facets that composed her, that she had been trying so hard since she had been found by Clarke to keep at bay, else she fall apart completely. The girl Lexa, who fell in love, who deeply felt, whom Clarke loved, would tear the Commander asunder if she could. _And she was afraid._ "Who am I Clarke?"

Clarke watched the beginnings of a castle crumbling happen right in front of her, knowing little of the battle raging inside the girl she loved. "Sen ai op." _Listen to me._ "Yu laik Leksa Kom Trikru, en yu laik Heda." _You are Lexa from Trikru, and you are the Commander._ "You don't have to be strong right now, Lexa. You don't have to know all the answers. You just need to heal, and let me help you."

Lexa nodded, tears falling from her eyes as she watched Clarke move for the medical kit. "Jok." _Fuck._

Clarke grabbed hold first of the disinfectant, showing Lexa what she was about to use. Clarke poured a small amount of it onto her hands first to clean them. Lexa shifted off of the bed while Clarke cleaned her hands and onto the ground using her right arm.

"What are you doing?" Clarke moved to support Lexa as she moved herself but Lexa held her hand up in refusal. Lexa didn't need to say anything to Clarke for her to understand. "I get it, it'll get everything wet, and you don't want to sleep on cold, wet furs. Are you sure you won't be too uncomfortable?"

Lexa shrugged, as far as being uncomfortable goes, where she is now is better than where she was just a few hours ago. "What about the wounds on your back?" Clarke inquired, worried about the possible infection.

Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand, moving it to feel her back. Clarke ran her right hand over Lexa's back as Lexa prompted her to do. Peaks and ravines marred the landscape of her back, but they've long been inflicted and now just resemble jagged mountain ranges.

Clarke started to remove the makeshift sling supporting Lexa's arm so she could examine her better. The ridges continued from her back onto her arms, where they became increasingly more fresh the further you moved from her back. _They cut her_ _so much._

"Don't think about it." Clarke's eyes met Lexa's. Lexa held the jar of disinfectant up for Clarke to take. Trembling hands took it and uncapped the liquid, moving to begin pouring it onto Lexa's arms.

Lexa clenched her jaw, whimpering in protest. Clarke wasted no time, she continued to pour the disinfectant now on the fresh wounds on Lexa's neck and chest once the wounds on her arms and legs were coated. Lexa writhed in pain, her fingers and toes curling tightly as a singeing pain covered her body. "Almost done." Clarke whispered, pouring a small amount on a clean rag to clean Lexa's face, at the same time pouring the last bit onto the deepest wound that Nyko had cauterized earlier.

"Jok. Beja, hod op, stop. Stop." _Fuck. Please, stop._ Lexa's hand shot up to grab Clarke's wrist. The intense burning did not let up once Clarke finished, and Lexa continued to flinch and flex her body in pain. Whimpers continued to escape her mouth as there was nothing she could do to make the burning stop. Her body felt ablaze, like every slice was being done for the first time but all together.

Clarke held a salve in the hand Lexa had a grip on. "Lexa this will help, let me go and I will make the pain go away." Lexa's grip on Clarke's wrist remained firm, hot tears falling from her tightly shut eyes. "Please Lexa, Ai swega yu klin." _I promise._

Lexa's arm fell in compliance, and Clarke moved fast to begin working with the salve. She took a large glob of it into her hand and gently applied it to Lexa's entire right arm. There were too many cuts to cover them one by one, so Clarke decided to salve and wrap her entire arm as best as she could. After applying the salve to Lexa's right arm, she proceeded to wrap the entire arm with the bandages she had and lie it back down beside her. Lexa sighed slightly in relief, but the rest of her body was still on fire. She continued to Lexa's left arm, this time being more gentle due to it being dislocated earlier. Once she finished applying the salve and wrapping it, Clarke remade a sling to support her arm and prevent further damage to Lexa's shoulder. Next, Clarke moved onto Lexa's torso.

She tried not to eye Lexa's chest too much out of respect, but still cuts marred her entire body. First Clarke applied the salve to Lexa's lower abdomen up to the bottom of her chest, applying special attention to the stab wound. Before proceeding to Lexa's breasts, she looked up to Lexa for permission. "Do you want to do this part?" Clarke asked, almost too innocently. _Not like it's anything you haven't touched before, Griffin._ Lexa simply shook her head. Clarke nodded and finished applying the salve to Lexa's chest.

Clarke marked the mental checklist she had. _Arms, check. Torso, check. Legs, neck, face, not done yet._

Lexa was squirming less now with the pain soothed slightly in half of her body. Clarke grabbed more salve in her hands, and began applying it to Lexa's legs. Something made her hands freeze and her heart sink. "Lexa?" Clarke's hands soothed the insides of Lexa's thighs while tears spilled down her cheeks. Bruises of different ages marred her here more than anywhere else on her body.

Green eyes flashed in front of her, a hand covering her mouth. "No." Lexa said, shaking her head. "Nou chek emo au." _Don't look at them._

Clarke trembled as she looked into Lexa's eyes, unbelieving of what she was seeing. Hot tears slipped out of her eyes and down Lexa's hand, still covering Clarke's mouth.

"They tried to break me," Lexa's voice cracked, but her eyes never once faltered from Clarke's. "But Ai laik Heda kom Jus," _I am the Commander of the Blood,_ "and I will not be broken." Lexa's voice was low but laced with a ferocity that unsettled Clarke. "Beja, Klark. Be done with this so the pain can leave me." She removed her hand from Clarke's mouth and laid back down.

Words left Clarke, all that she was able to do was fulfill Lexa's request and finish what she was doing. She applied the salve as fast as she effectively could to Lexa's legs and covered them in a wrap to hide the damage that had been done.

She finished by applying a small amount of salve to Lexa's neck and face, following up with a smaller bandage covering her neck and one that crossed over Lexa's eye. After what seemed like hours, Clarke had Lexa's wounds clean as best as she could to prevent infection, at least for the night. Tomorrow she would bring Lexa to the river to wash her, but for now this would do well.

Clarke rose and went around the corner to grab something. When she came back, she had comfortable looking loose clothing for Lexa. Without saying any words, she knelt before her once again, pulling the shirt over Lexa's head, then pulling clean underwear and pants on her as well. Lexa's limbs were heavy as she drifted into a deep sleep, the fire from her wounds now dissipated by the salve. Clarke internally wondered how long it had been since Lexa had clean clothes on, but shunned the thought from her mind. This was not time for her to feel bad, she had to take care of Lexa.

She lifted Lexa off of the hard ground and put her back on the furs, tucking her back inside so she would stay warm. She also had a fever to sweat off. Remembering this, Clarke walked over to a small table and grabbed a canteen that was full of water and laid it next to Lexa. "Just in case you need some."

Clarke began removing her own clothes in order to get into something more comfortable for bed. The noise of Clarke's shoulder guards hitting the floor woke Lexa, and after several moments of silence, spurred her to investigate what happened to the blonde. Across the room, Clarke sat in a hammock of sorts, her gaze set on Lexa.

"Clarke…?" Lexa shifted slightly, making space beside her where Clarke would fit. ""Ai don kom au gon dison." _I was born for this._ "Stop blaming yourself and come sleep." Clarke's eyes softened as she saw the look in Lexa's eye. _Fear._

Clarke stood up and walked over to Lexa's bed, pulling the furs up slightly before positioning herself underneath them and beside Lexa. She pulled Lexa close, her body extremely warm from the fever burning inside. Clarke leaned up off her arm a bit and hovered over Lexa. She used her free hand to turn Lexa's head, " _This_ isn't what you were born for Lexa. You bring peace… and happiness to your people. And you are more than just a figurehead. You are _more_ than just the Commander." She leaned down and pressed her lips gently to Lexa's injured ones. Her hand laid itself on Lexa's cheek, holding her as softly and as close as she could. "Ai hod yu in." _I love you._ She lifted her head from Lexa to allow her to shift slightly, a small smile appearing on her face as she drifted back to sleep.


	4. Author's Update

I haven't lost interest in this story, I'm currently working on a rework of it. There's a lot that I want to improve on and flush out, but it's taking longer than expected. I'll have the next chapter + rework done by the end of next week.

Thanks for hanging with me~


End file.
